Conflict Management

A disagreement that my husband and I often argue about is how "rowdy" our boys can be inside the house.  It may seem like a simple, not that big of a deal issue, however, it leads to frustration on my part, confusion on the boys, and who knows what with my husband!  My husband has a high level of tolerance for noise and active play, where I have a much lower tolerance and tell them to go outside.  My perspective is that they can play without being so loud and rough, I have school work to do, bills to organize, work that at times is brought home, etc. that requires a degree of quietness.  My husband, on the other hand, leaves work at work and does not have the other household responsibilities (besides helping with cleaning and the kids, which I greatly appreciate, but those don't require quietness!). 

I believe that the best strategy, which we have already discussed, would be to negotiate a routine that allows for both rough and rowdy play and also a time when that kind of play is finished for the night.  I listened to the boys and him when they talked about being at school all day and work, especially since my oldest son is diagnosed with ADHD and I truly believe my husband has it too!!!!  LOL  We have put into place a win-win situation where if I have work to finish, I may stay at work 1/2 hour later and complete it there rather than bringing it home.  Honestly, I loved that idea, it is nice to not have to worry about work at family time.  We also keep the TV off, not even as background noise, until 7pm, which is when everyone gets ready for bed and settles in with TV or electronics until bed.  After the kids are settled, I am them able to start the house responsibilities with little distractions. 

This certainly has decreased the frustration and confusion for all.  I would like to ask colleagues, however, what do you do when the other person is not willing to put into place the communication/conflict resolution strategies?  I believe that both sides need to be flexible, open, and willing to give, but we all have met people that are truly "stuck in their ways" and will not budge.  Then what?  Do you just give in?  Ignore them and choose not to communicate with them as much as possible?  Since taking these courses, I truly have been observing people and find myself getting frustrated with those in my family that are so set in their ways and no matter how much you use questioning, try for them to see other sides, or for them to accept true facts, they don't budge.  HELP!!!!!!  Not that I lose sleep over it, but it does get annoying at times.

Similaritites and Differences in Communication

I was quite surprised by the results of this assignment.  I chose to ask my manager and husband to evaluate me in communication, listening, and verbal aggression.  To my surprise we all came up with the same results, only varying slightly with numbers.  I was especially surprised at my husband's results.  I thought for sure that I would have rated higher in the verbal aggression category in his eyes!  Even though we had similar results, verbal aggression is something that I would like to work on with him.  For now, I do not see much improvement, however, once I am finished with school in the summer I hope to be less stressed.  As with many others, I am sure that the more stress that is in our lives, the less effective we are with communication, listening, and verbal aggression.  So for now, bear with me hubby!!!!

Insights that I have gained this week are the many concepts that are involved in how we perceive ourselves.  From self-concept, self-esteem, and self-efficacy I never realized how important each of these are in the way we perceive others and communicate.  I have also realized that for the most part, I believe that my competence level would be that of self-actualization.  I strive in communicating as well as possible, and this week has given me the terms necessary to identify myself.  Of course, the feeling of self-adequacy is also present, which I was able to identify this week and work towards more of a self-actualization in these areas.

I would suggest others to take these tests and give them to other people as well to complete.  It is an eye opener.

Culture and Communication

I definately find myself communicating differently with people from different group and cultures.  Friends and family members that I have known for a long time, have built positve relationships with, and accept each other's differences are those groups that I tend to be less formal with and can share opinions and be honest with without having to worry about offending anyone.  This comes much more naturally than does with co-workers, families, and other professionals.  It is with this group that more time and energy is put into not expressing cultural myopia and many times remembering the Platinum Rule.  Being aware of those nonverbal communication styles is much more prevalent with the second group than with friends and family.  Not that the Platinum Rule and not expressing cultural myopia is not important with family and friends, I just think that those individuals are much better at accepting who we are as a person and are more willing to discuss situations that may be uncomfortable, where as the second group, professionals, co-workers, and families may view you differently and not as accepting.

One strategy that I would like to try is to value the Platinum Rule more with family and friends.  Even though they are accepting and do not judge, so I feel, I would like to see how our relationships become with more empathy.  I tend to be a very independent person and sometimes I do not have patience for "drama".  I am not a spoon feeder when it comes to adults.  But would love to work on this perspective.

Another strategy I would like to use is to immerse myself with many people of different cultures, beliefs, and values.  Getting to know and understand different cultures will help in lessoning culture myopia, which I am sure we all have at one time or another.   This theory is similar to one way that Dr. Sue (2011) mentions about preventing microagression, interact with diverse individuals. 

Lastly, learning about what motivates individuals can help to when communicating effectively in the professional field.  If we understand what others need and desire, we are much more able to put into place the Platinum Rule with most individuals.

Laureate Education, Inc. (Executive Producer). (2011). Microaggressions in everyday life

            [Webcast]. Baltimore, MD: Author.

Communication is Not Always Straightforward

Last night I watched an episode of Friends.  Always see it on T.V., however, I am not a big T.V. watcher so I never saw the show.  Watching the show without sound lead me to believe that a man was trying to help a woman learn how to ride a bike.  She begins to pedal and he let's go and then she falls.  Her non verbal language, stiff, red faced, and arm shaking, lead me to believe that she was not happy at all.  As she walked away other people around gave them man a stare.  At this time I was unsure of their relationship, possibly friends.  Later, as I find out they live together, the man goes to her room with a sad look, most likely apologizing.  She smiles and nods her head "yes" and then rolls her eyes.  With the roll of her eyes, it is difficult to know if she truly is happy about trying to ride again or if she is only trying to please the man.

After watching the show with sounds, I found out that, yes, the man is trying to help her ride, but says that he promises he won't let go.  After letting go and she falls, I could definately see why her and everyone else seemed so upset with him!  The comfort in his voice and listening to how the woman speaks forgivingly leads me to believe that she honestly does want to try the bike again.

During another portion of the show, there is a group of people outside of a home.  Inside a woman looks like she is quickly trying to finish making candy.  I am lead to believe that the people outside have ordered candy and are becoming impatient as they wait.  As the people become more impatient the husband abruptly opens the door, shaking his hands and opening his mouth wide (yelling).  The people outside have angry looks and arms crossed.  However, after watching with sound, I found out that the people are all new neighbors and that the woman has invited them over for candy.  The man and woman then go inside the home and hug and kiss, which I assumed they were husband and wife without sound.

If this were a show I knew, I would have been able to distinguish the relationships between the people and their personality.  I would have been able to know that the second couple were getting new neighbors and that the candy may have been a kind gesture rather than a candy sale.   

After completing this assignment, I have realized the importance of knowing and listening to families and individuals, not only in the workplace, but also on a personal level.  Without understanding and listening, we are left to assumptions that may not always be the correct assumptions.

Competent Communication

When I think of someone who demonstrates competent communication, I think of the director of Early Education, Head Start programs where I am currently employed.  She has a balance of communication techniques that make you feel valued and that what you have to say or what questions you have are important.  She definately possesses behavioral flexibility, the willingness to use different communication behaviors in different situations (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  She is able to know what situation require questioning to help a person discover the best answer on their own.  She is able to know when to be direct and respond clearly and concisely.  She knows when a person just needs someone to listen to and allows that person the time without interruptions or bias.  She is able to effectively adjust her communication technique instantly.

I would like to model some of these communication behaviors.  For myself, I tend to have a difficult time responding effectively immediately, on the spot.  I do much better reflecting on conversations when I have time to reflect and think of the best way to approach a situation.  The one communication style that I would not like to model from the person described above is that at times she does more reflective questioning for my taste!  There are times when I am unsure and would just like a straight forward suggestion or idea. 

Professional Hopes and Goals

One hope that I have when thinking about working with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds is that they will be able to feel comfortable and respected being who they are, not what society wants or expects them to be. 

One goal I would like to set for the early childhood filed related to diversity, equity, and social justice is that all children and families will have equal opportunities to live, learn, and work in a society that accepts them for who they are and will not make judgments based on race, culture, sexuality, gender, etc.

This has been an amazing course.  You all have certainly educated me through your thoughtful discussions and posts.  All of our perspectives about diversity and equity and the new information gathered will be a great benefit to the children and families we work with or may work with in the future.  Good luck in future courses.

Amanda

Welcoming families from Around the World

Before this course, I really did not understand how important knowing about a person's country of origin was.  So, I could probably pick any country because I never took a tremendous amount of time to truly prepare myself to be culturally responsive.  Let's pick Haiti for this assignment.

To prepare myself and my classroom to be culturally responsive, I would research as much information as possible about the country.  Learning the language fluently would be impossible in such a short amount of time, but learning a few common words and phrases would be beneficial and most likely make the family feel welcomed.  Scheduling a home visit with the family before the child started in the classroom would also help to gain knowledge about the family, their culture, and their child.  Observing how the family interacts with one another and the child, as well as continuing to observe the child in the classroom would help to gain a lot of information about how the family functions, what they find important, their interests, and the child's temperament.  Talking with other colleagues may help to gain information about the country and/or ways to help the child and family be successful.  And lastly, bringing as much of the child's culture into the classroom, along with every other child's culture. 

These preparations would help build positive communications between the child and their family.  A bit of trust and comfort may come from the home visit as well as the effort put into learning a few common words/phrases in their language.  Bringing the child's culture into the classroom and helping all children understand their own culture and that of others will help to build a positive self-identity.  For myself, the preparation and continued observations will build my knowledge of diversity and continued learning.